On being a New Mother…

December 31, 2010

I have  a new son and a new co-parent.  There must have been pregnancy but we missed all that. My Minister and I are co-parenting this young man who’s parents had the poor taste to throw him out of the house on account of him saying he was gay… (When he was 13)  Our DS (Darling son for the uninitiated)  calls us PUs (short for non-gender specific Parental Units)  We have roles.  I think I might be the Daddy.  She’s in charge of comfort and Joy.  I am on Career and Taxes.  DS has just had his 21st birthday and his first real Christmas.  He is ever so spoiled.  He now has a laptop and a guitar.  We are hoping that he will manage to not get either stolen from him.  The jury is still out on that.  He gets distracted and occasionally finds himself in the company of thieves and homeophobes who like nothing better than hitting him and taking his stuff, which is ironic as he hasn’t had much stuff for quite some time now.  Boy are they going to be impressed the next time they rip him off…

So for the day after Christmas my family gathered (the Jews, christians, Jehovah’s Witnesses and the random atheist)  at Buca de Beppo for dinner.  We had  a lovely fulfilling cooperative meal.  Brother J shared his broccoli with me.  Niece K shared her Spaghetti Marinara and her garden salad with me.  My DS had salad and chicken and non of us old folks on our end of the table felt required to have a big dessert.  My brand new DS was surrounded by the diverse family of all flavors.  He was ready to not like the Jehovah’s Witnesses, but as I’ve said, they are very nice people.  I really appreciated how well he conducted himself.  It’s really a high presssure situation when you meet 20 relatives or so you didn’t know you hand.  My Niece L (noA) was there and she welcomed DS into the family and we determined that he was now her cousin.

Actually I think L(NoA) would be a good friend to DS. They are both mentally quick.   She said her youngest is just like her.  The poor dear.  The curse worked.  It is funny to think of such a small girl bent on total world domination.  I just don’t see it.  She is very afraid of me as I am huge – grown and know her real name (Damn cover blown again – who ARE these people!)  Great Niece J and I have to get to know each other.  I hope hope hope the gift I chose was not WAY to young for her.  My Great Nephew R of the using me like a fluffy bed was there and he was flirtatious.  He’s going to be a heart breaker for sure… (Or a very good husband to some wonderful girl  – a flirt can be nice to have. )

I saw Nephew R and spoke to him about our odd face book situation (he neglects to friend me)  Still this is unremedied.  Maybe it is on account of his being blind.  I think he’s going to have to change his life.  since he cannot see so well.  He is in his mid 30s and I feel so very sorry for this.  I wanted him to have much more fun before crap started happening.  his sister L(noA) has already done the breast cancer thing.  My sister A has had bad luck with this.  However all children yet survive, as does she…

All this family and I go take on one more. I must be crazy.  He’s so adorable though.  I don’t know how else I could act.



Christmas with the Jews and the Jehovah’s Witnesses…

December 26, 2010

I had to do this post on my ministerial asperant page.  I had to do this here so that i can ensure that none of the players manage to find it and find themselves.

My family,  we are diverse.  We are religiously diverse.  I am a Unitarian Universalist, My brother is an agnostic,  My SIL a “bad Jew”, My niece and her children Jehovah’s witnessess, My other neice, clearly Jewish,  Her brother is undeclared with a Christian raised / Hindu wife of chinese descent. I don’t think I have forgotten anyone there.

Normal My SIL the “bad Jew” does the family celebrations.  Her children come I come “Auntie Joy” and her Mother and the occasional sibling and friend who we haven’t met yet.    She does it but she is sick and couldn’t clean the house or really prepare the meal.  So My niece the Jehovah’s Witness really did the preparations,  As much as she could because she is sick.  Her and her family got everything ready and then disappear during the meal and the gift exchange,  when that ritual is over the Jehovah’s Witnesses who prepared the meal, rejoin the family and we go on having fun as a family.

It just struck me that no matter how strange it might seem to me that they don’t celebrate stuff, they are still ready to serve to prepare the party for us.  She’s turned out quite well and her kids are pretty cool too.  I think “Christians” who can manage good works, are unitarian (meaning as opposed to trinitarain) and are consistant about their belief while accepting that mine are quite different.  That’s my kind of Christian really.  It’s so close to home.  I hope she continues to be the serviceful example of Christian living,  even though she has to dissappear for part of the festivities.  I can live with it.

Ironically, there were few actual Christians there.  But we exchange gifts because we want to.  And that’s nice. I am hoping that they didn’t go broke over obtaining my gifts.

Tommorrow night (for me Christmas day 3.  We gather as a family in the evening to eat Italien and enjoy.  It sounds pretty nice right now.


Reading List lately

September 18, 2010

I’ve read, The Ramen King and Me, which was surprisingly spiritual. It would be instructive for anyone with issues that can be treated 12 step wise.

Islam: A Short History by Karen Armstrong, which surprised me with Bad news about how Islam came to be what it sometimes is

The Buddha: A story of enlightenment by Depok Chopra which was very charming, it’s a fairy story based on the life of the man who became Buddha.

Incidents in the life of a  Slave Girl by Herself which was very alarming, about how cruel we can be to one another.  This reminds me how man should never be set over man.  After which I heard a talk from a British man who was imprisioned at Guantanimo.  I am very upset that we are not getting better.  I have this childish belief that we become more humane as time passes and then I hear another story about us acting worse than animals.  Animals don’t torture.  They kill or try to kill for defense or eating purposes.

Now I am attempting to read Classic poetry on my nook.  Surprisingly I am not hating it all. Some of it is surprisingly familiar.  Pieces quoted out become a part of our language with no reference to the original.  For the most part, I like Emerson’s prose better than his poetry.  But I am just getting started.

I have the Rubiat of Omar Kayam in a pile, perhaps that shall be next…

I am entering read material into a database I have created so I can track stuff for that application that one makes for ministry.   If that could ever possibly happen.


Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl

Plan B…

September 6, 2010

Well, folks, it finally happened.  Sunday Service Presenter did not show up.  Just didn’t grace us with his presence.  Oh Lawd, Lawd Lawd.  So I had, being paranoid and stuff, prepared a last minute plan B.  In case perhaps he showed up late and before the presentation. for Call to Community I did Come Come whoever you are, to call him into the room.  But alas I did not work.  I received the offer of a 20 minute talk by Charlie the organist on diversity (ok sort of on diversity, not much on diversity)  But it was good and it was information I wanted the congregation to have…   So Sunday Service happened any how.  No matter what, it took place.  I have been threatening to write a sermon called “In case of Emergency”  I have never done it.  Perhaps I could c0-write such a thing with my favorite pre-aspirant so we can be ready with something original, if we ever need yet  another plan B.

How I respond to emergencies!

You Just forgot?

How we do Love

September 1, 2010

Following is my sermon of last week.  I think this might be my best work.

Today I am going to speak of Love. Actually I have used Love as a sermon title before. When you talk about love, you could be talking about most anything… Once upon a time, we used to disguise sermons with odd names so that we would get a better audience. I think Gail still does that with some of her World’s Religions sermons. But in this case. I intend to talk about the subject advertised. So maybe I fooled you in a different way.

The idea for a sermon came to me when we went to Boca to the Building the world we dream about workshop. At the beginning of the discussion we talked about what we expected. We talked about trusting the people we were with to have good will. I have trouble with that sometimes. We talked about speaking only from our own experience, (not talking about what happened to someone we know) , and then we talked about “Sitting with Discomfort”. Sitting with Discomfort? That sounds terrible. Like a commercial for a product one cannot discuss in polite company. Why would anyone want to do that? We want to do that so we can get to the learning, changing and growing.

Can you remember during your teen years how much discomfort was there then? Your arms are first too short then too long. You are always saying things you don’t mean and reading more meaning into what you are saying than you really meant and you vacillate between being so cute that you cannot avoid attention and so wretched that you wish no one would ever talk to you again. This is our condition. When we most want to be a unique individual we are more like each other than ever. By definition the teenager is uncomfortable. Fighting against the authority and against your own bodies battle to grow up, chancing love for the first time, it’s wonderful and terrible and frankly we learn a lot. In fact we need extra sleep then so our brains can process all that is coming in at that time. Very uncomfortable and that is when we learn so very very much about life.

So at this meeting we are intending to get uncomfortable and talk about the stuff that is difficult, so we can know one another better so we can learn things we never ever knew. I think this is brilliant! I had an Ah ha moment. This is why we do by-laws and budget meetings and committees that we’d rather not be at. At least I hope that is why.

I struggled with using “Sitting with Discomfort” as a sermon title. This would never do. And this bit of the sermon, it’s not the entire sermon. I struggled with a title. Why do we sit with discomfort? Perhaps it’s because we love this place. Love is the spirit of this church. I imagine some Humanist or another having a problem with Spirit in this context, yet we say this every week. Now I believe in spirit, Spirits and spirituality, I know for some of you that makes me a certified nut. For me all of that is very real although I can’t see it, I feel it in my heart and mind. But I am sitting with discomfort that this word probably bugs people and bugs them each and every week.

I found out a couple of days ago that David Fisher’s Mother used “Love is the spirit of this family, and service is it’s law…” in her family every day. No wonder David was such a wonderful person. He must have found us very familiar.

So I was toying with the word spirit, and i thought in a very non-spiritual way, a spirit is a way of doing things like “spirited” is used. So it could be that love is the way we do things around here. That we sing with love and attend services with love and greet with love. A lot of times that is true for me. It symbolizes to me a certain commitment to our church.

Today I would like to toy with a metaphor about love. In preparation for this service, and for life also, I retrieved from our library, Marianne Williamson’s “Enchanted Love” The Mystical Power of Intimate Relationships. I wasn’t sure how that tied into church life, but then I started thinking that Love between 2 consenting adults and love between a church and it’s membership is not so very different. One thing I especially like about this book, in addition to the helpful wisdom found there, were the little prayers at the beginnings of the chapters. I really like them and I have taken the liberty of “fixing them up” a little bit to suit our situation better. I thought I would drop one here and there to drive my talk today. I hope you like them as much as I do.

She starts at the beginnings, at the part of the relationship where we get prepared for our new love, for me this speaks to new members and being ready to receive them in hospitality and love.

Oh Great Father/Mother God

Please send my love to me.

From across the sea, and over the mountain,

May he travel to my side.

And then, dear Lord when he arrives at my house,

may the food he finds here make him strong

I await his coming

I prepare many things

Please Ready my heart.

This kind of love is how we prepare for our new members we have meetings to find out who will greet them and we decide what would be a good way to welcome them. We try to implement our plans we ask others to help, we try to follow up. We get their name tags ready we greet them and ask them to return. This is how we love our new folks.

However some of the new members I fall in love with right away. I try not to fall in love on the first day. But Gabrielle was so endearing and her kids so good (at least in my presence) and she liked to cook and had all the qualities I love to love. I just felt an instant connection and I remember the day she announced that she was leaving to go up north. I felt like I’d been hit in the gut. Lost due to a long term lousy economy and then she was gone, Love is a risk. You can get your heart broken.

The trick about that I think is not to become too guarded about new folks and to allow yourself to love again with abandon.

Another prayer from Marianne Williamson’s book…

I pray for the loves of my past

Those who chose me and those who did not

I pray for their happiness

their growth and their good.

May their hearts fill with light

and their desires finally filled.

May they find what they are seeking

Although it could not be me.

Sometimes people come and test us out and find us wanting. Some times they find that they need a firmer more directive theology, sometimes they find that their hot date is in another congregation, sometimes they hear the siren song of the New York times or the Golf course.

As a long time member sometimes I have trouble with the comings and goings. I have a terrible time with names and just as I manage to learn the names, it seems that they slip away.

Please remove from me my resistances to love.

Make straight my path to the heart of my beloved

Reveal to me the meaning of this ride that we live on.

You visit the church, you see if you are acceptable to us. We see if you we are acceptable to you. We exchange gifts, you leave money in the plate, we offer you classes and coffee. We see if we are suited or not and like a lady we wait. We wait for you to ask for our hand… At first when you are dating you think we are perfect. We are the perfectest church ever. There’s nothing wrong here. Everyone is super nice all the time and we love the coffee and we wouldn’t want to change anything. This phase passes soon enough.

Then you start to see flaws. And we do too, as far as we can see you sure are critical! This doesn’t happen with everyone but it does happen sometimes. It’s a critical moment. Do you try to push us to change? Do you try to find some other perfect place? Do you seek to assist? Do you seek to complain with no offer to help? That’s another way we show love. We take ownership.

One excellent example is coffee hour. We see that help is needed to set up and clean up. We can suggest that SOMEBODY should help and SOMEONE should clean up this mess. I’d like to introduce you to somebody. Dot are you here? Dot is somebody. If somebody needs to do something and nobody does. Dot shows up. She’s tired. She’s told me as much. A great way to show love is to be somebody. If the cup is not on the cart or in the dishwasher, put it there. Ask if you can help, Many times you can. It’s a great way to take ownership of this church. After a while some of our better new members become pillars of the congregation, we grow to love them, and we exchange gifts, just like in a love affair.

Please receive from me

my praise and thanksgiving

for the love who is at my side

May my thoughts of him

and my behavior toward him

be a blessing on us both

Please bring him joy.

David Fisher knew that I was working on this service full well and I am going to have to use him as an example of love. I hope I honor him. He did several loving things toward me and toward the church over his time here. David made special effort last year to give me encouragement. I hope he saw the minister in me and he was trying to ensure that I got all the positive reinforcement he could offer up in the time he had left. The Giese’s are here today doing music to honor David, they show their love for him by sharing what he loved, live music.

David loved us so much that he coordinated GA for us, bringing honor and energy to our congregation. He loved us up one heck of a Jubilee Party. And remarkably, he got us to act as a committee, working together we all did our parts and did what we said we would and reported back. He didn’t do it all himself. He modeled boundaries for us. He modeled management for us. What a lovely loving gift to us!

May the partner I am with emerge into their greatness and glory and joy.

May we leave behind our broken selves and emerge into the light, heal our wounds and bless our dreams.

When I think about love, I think about parents and children, Parents love because they must. There is a stealth attack by the attachment hormone and suddenly you are in love with this beautiful little thing. And you just can’t help it. All the trouble, all the noise all the expense and you don’t even notice because you love them. It’s a temporary insanity, with only a small chance of return.

Sometimes in leadership we can be asked to take a parental role. No you cannot do ANYthing you want to here. We cannot have every party or every social justice project everyone thinks of. See like parents we don’t want you to get burned out. We are not a church of 250 or 500 people we have to focus our energy. Like a budget we cannot possibly do everything, so we have to choose carefully what it is that we do end up doing.

I warn you this will not be easy

I warn you this will take some work

I warn you love will burn you up

are you ready to be burned or

would you rather just grow old.

She hits the spot there. That’s why we sit with Discomfort because otherwise we just grow older only. Not wiser, not more spiritual Not more loving, not deeper not more developed. Simply older. I believe that love is a spiritual practice and living in community with one another is a positive way to make more of ourselves. To enhance meaning in our lives. And it is hard to do.

I can tell you there was a time when I almost took my ball and went home. But community kept me here and I am grateful for that. I’m glad that I didn’t take the opportunity to ruin my experience here, to ruin all my hard work. Because for me to leave this community at that time I certainly would have missed much. I’m glad I stuck with it. I’m glad to be here today talking to you.

So it is hard but the alternative is not so good at least not for me. This work is hard precisely because we are broken. Because we come with our churches of origin, because we come with our families of origin, because we bring with us all our lovely baggage, It takes hard work to leave that stuff off…

Please lift my heart above the pain of former trials.

Remove from me the thoughts that hold me back

Make clean my heart, make clear my mind and make new my life.

Making love the spirit of this church requires some tidy work in our hearts. In order to be loving we need to work on responding to our church community from a place of wellness. This means we have to clean up the mess from the past.

Marianne Williamson is not talking about everyone here. She is talking about a spiritual relationship a relationship with the higher level of love. Where we develop ourselves to the best extent. And really, not everyone will be willing to do that. It’s just not possible. Maybe they cannot see why it’s important to grow wiser and not just older. Maybe they just don’t have the will to change what is broken in them, and in some cases perhaps they are just too broken.

That tells me that maybe some people aren’t here to learn but instead to teach and in some cases perhaps by bad example. I would like you to know, each and every one of you. That I have no specific person in mind who could possibly be in this room right now. I hope I’ve relieved that discomfort for you!

Please remove from me my temptation to try to control another person.

I surrender this relationship to the divine spirit.

May it be blessed, may it be sweet

may it be free of my own unforgiveness.

How to lead and not control. That’s why we have trustees and not directors, we do the work of the church. I think if we did what we wanted it would be very different. Don’t you? We ask before we do anything structural, we work in teams, we avoid fiefdoms when possible. It’s is hard as she said. To love without control. To allow us each to be who we need to be. To allow the student to teach the teacher. To love the result and accept the process. Then after a time we become older wiser and more comfortable

Your hair is grayer than it used to be,

your belly softer.

I actually like this better–

You were so intimidating when you looked like God

I couldn’t see your light

through all the gold that was surrounding it.

I tripped in fear

Before your gorgeousness

Your issues are more interesting now

and layered and richer in meaning and scope

I’ve settled into you

Like into a comfortable chair

Welcome to the world of the normal

Isn’t it wonderful here.

We say that we can feel it when someone loves us. But can we? Can we really feel what they are feeling? Do we ever really know? How do we know love? I can sit here and love you with all my heart and you might never know. You might not notice the subtle changes in my heart beat or in my eyes. You might miss how much I love you. If I don’t show it. So love has something to do with you and something to do with me. But from my perspective love is mostly about me.

So if love is about me. Why bother? We give love as a gift to ourselves! If we look around for things to love it tickles our own hearts. That is enough reason. In Corinthians 13 as the apostle Paul says without love we are nothing. Why do we want to make love into our spirit? Love makes light work. Love makes us want to do what we can do. Love is the best reason to do something all the time. We want to make love the spirit because we have things to do and love is the best way. And that my friends is how we do love…..

What if it’s never?

July 17, 2010

I feel as if life is on hold.  I am waiting for my house.  I am waiting for the day when I live by myself in my house and take care of my own stuff and keep my things in some order somewhere.   I dream of being able to reach up on to the bookcase and pull out one of my books and read it and put it back so I can find it later.  I imagine that most of my readers have this experience a lot.

I wonder what if I never have a home of my own again?  What if I am a vagabond forever.  What if I can’t have my own place again.  Can I live with this worst case scenario?  What if it is my life’s purpose, in lieu of a parish ministry, to share my wisdom by living here and there and enlightening people in some way.  By loving their dogs and them.  By watering their plants by driving them around, by helping them to focus on their clutter, by loving them one way and another.  By perching precariously in their houses to help them practice generosity..

Right now my stuff lives in a couple of places.  Mostly in a 5 X 12 warehouse and a red panel van.  It is all righteously inconvenient.  I cannot retrieve a book if I wanted to.  It is just plain impossible.  Can I live with that reality?  What if this IS my life’s work, to live simply (with a PC of course) and help others to do the same.

For the next 2 months I am working as a computer programmer making “programmer money” for 2 months and then we will see what is next.. I am thinking about upgrading my storage unit large enough to arrange my stuff around the room so it is reachable as needed when I perch here and there.  I need to think about the cost benefit.  Maybe I could arrange things.  Maybe I could index my boxes one at a time and label them.  That way I could know where my books are.  Maybe I should get rid of tons and tons of stuff so it’s easier to afford a posh space with air and room to move around in.

I have my desk chair in storage I imagine that I could sit in the center of my stuff and bask in the glow.  I am way too attached to stuff.  Way way too attached.  I am working on it everyday.


Forgive and plan instead

May 27, 2010

I’ve heard about this forgive and forget idea.  I don’t think it’s possible.  I can forgive, in that I choose not to let myself continue to hold ill will in my heart.  But to forget, how can one do that?  I think this maybe a Christian concept that may not always be wise.  When you feel used and abused do you wish to let go of your anger so well that you allow it to happen over?  Is that what happens to abused wives?  They forgive in the Biblical fashion 77 times and end up dead!

I’m all about forgiveness, I’m all about letting go, I’m all about sitting in the moment and letting the past drift away, but I think I must be misunderstanding “forget”.  I can’t believe that the Bible is telling us to put ourselves back in a position of hurt again and again and again.  It just doesn’t add up.  Any Biblical scholars out there that can tell me what part of this is a mistranslation.

I think I prefer that Arabian/Islamic concept of “Trust in God, but teather your camel.”  This speaks to me more.   If we don’t do what we can do to protect, and better ourselves, what right have we to ask of God anything?   Don’t you have to do your part?   I guess that’s where UUs and other liberals depart from those who believe in predetermination.  We think you have to work for your enlightenment.

The good news about all my late trauma is that I am really able to stay in the moment.  When I really feel bummed I remember that I am not living under the stars, that I have people who love me and are fairly safe to be with, and the sky is the limit on finding more folks like that.

I don’t know about forgetting on purpose either.  I don’t think I can do it.  I can let stuff go,  I can lay baggage down, I can choose to put a positive spin on something, but how does one forget when trust is broken.  I can forget something that happens that is trivial, but if forgiveness is required, true forgiveness, then how is it possible to forget.

I read that they found a drug that had the side effect of wiping out huge chunks of memory.  They would never use it, but they’d written up an article about it and scores of folks wanted to sign up to forget.  They were willing to give up all their happy memories too in order to eradicate their unhappy traumatic ones.  It’s a heck of a trade.  Apparently forgetting is not so possible.

I saw an article the other day about minimizing feelings and I wonder if we aren’t making a mistake to wallow in our hurts from the past, they were ready to get angry about people advising them to let it go and to move on… I think that sitting in negativity with a righteous indignation that will not let you move on and live your life in joy is stupid.  I probably should say ill advised or something gentler but I think living in pain without possibility of parole is pointless and a waste of our precious time here in life!

I think living through this economy and this odd lifestyle (place to place) has made me suspicious of recovery movements that do not place the emphasis on the now.  Now is all there ever was after all, everything else is just a story you tell yourself, about stuff that no longer exists.  Now is where joy is.  Who the heck would want to be any place else.  Now is a place where you can be wary and forgiveness even doesn’t matter, because the story of what you are forgiving does not add anything to the now that we are in, unless the problem is persisting.

It seems to me that forgiving and creating a strategy to move on is wiser than forgiving and forgetting.  Plan out how to handle the situation in the future and then let that live on as a story of a plan you have and get back to the now where the joy is.

You can never tell…

May 17, 2010

By laws changes passed uncorrected and mostly unchallenged.  It appears that the congregation read them or talked to someone who did.  I was worried and tried to do deep breathing during the process.  In the end it was the election not the by-laws that was the nail biter.  We had 2 suggestions immediately about how we can change them again.  It will be a while before anyone is brave enough to take them up again. The suggestion has been to rework our vision and mission and create equitable by-laws from that.  In other words to throw out the whole thing and start over.  I think it’s a good suggestion.  I don’t know if I have staying power to get through all of that.  Someone saw me at the meeting actively biting my nails.  (bad habit, must stop) Asked me why… I was incredulous.  Why would I be stressed when we are voting on 2 years of work of mine. Gee Whiz!

The best part of this vote is my new stick (or the new Stewardship Chairs stick) we voted to require that an annual pledge card be required for continuing voting rights.  This should assist the Stewardship Campaign.  The unwillingness to give  a number, any number has been a thorn in the sides of Stewardship / Canvass Chairpeople since I have been a member.  I remember being unwilling to fill out a pledge form myself.  I have learned to do it, on the first day, arriving at Stewardship Sunday with a number in mind.  I think if people can learn to read and evaluate by-law changes before the meeting on said changes, that they can learn to turn in that pledge card too.  In the past if no card was submitted and a contribution made, then you were still a voting member.  Now they have to show up (or mail in) a pledge and they will be on the books.

I know it’s a risk, that we might lose hangers on.  But I don’t think so.  I think we’ll all step up and the new members will come in with the knowledge that this is how it is.  Nice.

By laws vote on Sunday

May 13, 2010

I’ve heard from a couple of people who’ve taken the time to read the By-laws change document.  They like the changes and they hate by-laws.  In my opinion, their best action would be to pass these and let me think about other things for the coming year. I’d like to focus on other things. I could work on the database, and getting more volunteers and growing our congregation from the inside.  That would be a worthy use of my time, I think.  I have hope.  I haven’t heard snark one, since the Pre-meeting.  Perhaps, they will pass them and “Make It So”.  Maybe I should practice my victory dance.

I want to work on other things.  I want to wrap stuff up and work on other things.   It’s not too much to ask is it?  I know that Patience is on my plate.  I keep getting the lesson and I know the lesson will be repeated until it is learned.  We have a distinguished pillar of the church who is quite enamoured with defining his terms.  What does faith mean?  He asks over and over because he is uncomfortable with his own definition.  Well I thought no problem, can’t agree with everyone.  Then I noticed that one of my close friends (with whom I would like to be even closer) also likes defining his terms.  Dagnab it.  Apparently the lesson will be repeated until it is learned.

When I was young I spent time with folks who were pretty semantically correct.  It’s not a problem, it’s an opportunity.  While I get the concept of how problems help you grow, changing the name of something, without changing the thinking, does little and you end up with phrases like “We have an opportunity with crabgrass”  Oy!  So I have word correctness police baggage due to people like that.  And wouldn’t you know, my good friend is showing signs of being an over definer.  So our pillar, on the one hand wants to know how YOU define a given word, since his definition is obviously not relevant,  my dear friend on the other hand, has his definitions and thinks that they are the correct ones.  Oh my. So I will be learning patience and perhaps guidance and I think our pillar might be in a position to teach me how best to deal with my dear friend.   I have to reach out to make that possible.

I’ve been reading more on Women, Food and God, and I notice that it knocks me out (by this I mean it causes frequent naps).  That makes me assume that it’s a sensitive topic for me.  I knew that.  But I would like to get through, first reading, so I get all the points.  I like her idea that restriction makes obsession.  I believe that about a lot of things.  I’m having trouble with the the then what part. I just keep dropping off.  Maybe I am sleep deprived.  But what else I am is determined.  I will not let this book beat me!   Back to reading.  And napping, until it’s all done.


Time for Study

May 10, 2010

I am reading again.  I think I needed some alone time and I am getting it.  My housing sponsor is away and I think I am going to get some books read and over.  I am working on God Women and Food.  I see the spirit in it.  She suggests, implies that if we were really in touch with our bodies there would be no need to over eat (or starve depending on which poison you normally choose) I haven’t got the God part yet, but I think it’s implied.  I am not however finished reading.

Today I am moving from my little upstairs apartment down to the big house.  It’s quite a lot of little things to bring down stairs.  So I guess it’s about time to get started.  Tonight there is a board meeting and I have to meet my own duty by reading the preliminary information before the meeting starts.  I want to be as ready as I’d like other’s to be on a regular basis.  I have to be a model when I can.

I think even moving downstairs is a study too, in it’s own way.  I will be living large for the next two weeks and then right back to living small.  It’s a very confusing time, but I will make the most of the time that I have for reading and catching up.