Yep… Out of my mind…

I found this blog on how poor people can’t really become ministers…

So we probably really can’t have poor ministers

Yep that’s my issue. I want to be a minister.. I want it really bad.   I have old student loans to pay off.  I have credit cards to pay off.  I have that first year to pay for…

I am starting to believe that it might be impossible as the economy is so terrible.

I may have to change the title…

I’m starting to be scared of being a minister.  I’m not sure I am tough enough.  Ministers get blamed for doing their jobs.  They get blamed for setting boundaries.  They get negative feed back about most all of their services.  I just don’t know if I am secure enough to handle it.   I guess it comes back to self-esteem / or / self-delusion.  Can I believe in myself when people are fussing at me?  My darling sister says don’t take it personally.  I wonder how many times I’d have to repeat that mantra for it to permanently adhere in my brain?

How do you know when to listen, and when to ignore?  Sometimes even people I respect are without question full of crap.   How do I know who to listen to and when to listen to my own counsel?

I think I see the problem now

I saw this over at Mr. Crankpant’s occasional blog..   and then in the comments was this link to a Washington Post Article on the Costs of Health Care.  I am seeing where the problem is.  We are a world leader in the costs of medical care.  I am sure that there are reasons for this besides greed.

I heard on NPR the other day that there is a shortage of Primary Care physicians because they are paid so poorly in comparison to the specialists.  We’ve got this system now where we go to the PCP first and then to a specialist.  Does my PCP send me to specialists hither and yon.  Oh yes he does.  But I usually cannot afford to go.  I don’t want my PCP broke, weighed down with heavy student loans (Like me)  — We need universal health care.  To get it we need universal education K-16.  After that we need reasonable fees.  Then Doctors would go into it because they love to make people feel better.  That just seems comforting to me.

Next month, If I don’t get a job.  I will have to apply for “primary health Care” which is how Florida Medicaid is known here.  Or have nothing for a month or two.  This  is very dangerous for me.  But I cannot stop paying rent or give up regular meals.   I know that they will get this fixed too late for me.  I know that they will do it all wrong which draconian requirements for abortion and suck.  But I hope they hurry.  Because the economy cannot come back if we are all sick abed (or dead)

I swear normally I am just a cheerful person full of light, but this disturbs me terribly..

Joyce